(6451218) $1. Guard. Italian. Attributes his longevity to olive oil massages applied by his assistant and erstwhile lover, Roberto. (His services not included in the deal.)
(33429394) $350k. 19. The name's Vega. As is Utopian tradition, drinks fermented aardvark's blood before every game. (Try it. It helps with virility.) Can recite all of Joey's lines from Friends, Season 3.
(5769406) $30k. Big man. So big, in fact, that he rides a custom made Segway to support his weight. (He can't drive.) Deathly afraid of grass after a childhood incident. Try not to bring it up.