The season 18 tournament of the Americas is now down to it's semifinals with the four best teams duking it out this week for the championship. Which is kinda like having a contest to decide the four hottest Secretaries of Transportation...technically you can do it, but few will be impressed with the range of choices. Sigh. I guess the United States can't choose which hemisphere it's in. Yet.
But the main story is that there'll be no alcohol at the game, as the arena is run by teetotalling jagoff...Mormons? Pentecostals? The Mexican AA? Not sure exactly, but what the hell?! Do they really expect people to watch a sporting event sober? I predict an attendance figure in the double digits tomorrow.
Anyways, the first matchup involves those two powerhouses of South America: Brazil and Venezuela. Look for both teams to go with an inside game, as Brazilian center Benassi....oh, wait. You don't actually give a rat's ass about this one. Fine. So for the marquee matchup on Friday 2/3 at 6pm pst, the United States will smack down Columbia in a game that will have all the suspense of a bowel movement. Seriously, Columbia totally shot it's freaking wad just to get here. Nothing to do as a reporter but hang out and watch the carnage as sober spectators get bored with the game and start tearing apart the concessions for hidden tequila.
Columbian SG Ulises Lurduy drew the short straw:
fewmit: Plan on taking anything to numb the pain of defeat tomorrow? Cocaine? It'll be cocaine, right? You can tell me.
Lurduy: ¿Por qué es este hombre huele mal hablando a mí?
fewmit: You wouldn't happen to have any to spare? These blowouts are sooooo boring. Pun intended, hehe!
Lurduy: Me siento muy incómodo con su lenguaje corporal...
fewmit: Cool, so meet me before the game and we'll do some business, aye?
Lurduy: Toca el hombro de nuevo y te voy a matar, gilipollas.
U21 coach magiker secretly has a crush on me. Observe:
magiker: fewmit! Those painkillers are for the players, only! Dont' make me kick your ass!
U21 cheerleader Anderson Adams:
fewmit: Made the team, eh? Are you in charge of providing the doughnuts or the OJ?
Adams: Coach put me in charge of team spirit!
fewmit: That's great, buddy. You keep that moral high. And hope for 10 injuries so you'll get some burn.
Adams: Oh, no. I meant I'm in charge of team
spirits....sneaking in the flasks for the guys.
fewmit: We need to talk, friend....
So check out the tomorrow's game and see a minor South American country get flattened. It'll be good for a laugh. And since you've been dying to know, here's the hottest Transportation secretary, hands down:
(http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/3/3e/...)Last edited by fewmit at 2/2/2012 12:27:37 PM